


Fantasy, Dream About Me

by thatwasahaiku



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7165466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwasahaiku/pseuds/thatwasahaiku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>roughly five times shitty should have known better and the one time it didn’t matter // a 5+1 AU of sorts featuring a hatred for all things lacrosse, a possible inappropriate use of snapchat, and the matchmaking duo that is zimbits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fantasy, Dream About Me

**Author's Note:**

> for reference, this is an AU where basically Lardo isn't the team manager. it takes place during Bitty's freshman year

Winter break was always hard on Shitty. That’s probably why he seemed to forget everything he knew about consent and being a good fucking person and the harsh realities of the male gaze when he ditched dinner with his grandparents after the appetizers only a week into break. 

He kicked a pile of show as he wandered down the street, mumbling to himself. “Fuck Harvard and fuck MBA’s and fuck needing to fit in with those mindless fucking drones and fuck conferences and just fuck those fucking fuckers. Fuck!” 

Shitty’s mom spending the weekend at some conference down in Florida had left him unable to come up with a believable excuse on why he couldn’t spend time with his dad’s parents. His phone buzzed in his pocket; probably his dad calling him for a lecture. Knowing his dad, he probably hadn’t even left the table, fully prepared to yell at Shitty over the phone in the middle of the restaurant. Hypocritical bastard. 

Shitty kept walking down the street. It wasn’t deserted by any means, but daylight had long slipped away and the chill was beginning to set in. He pulled his jacket closer to him, only noticing then that his stomach was growling. 

“Fuck.” 

Shitty pulled out his phone and opened the maps app. Absentmindedly he brushed snow flurries out of his hair while he searched restaurants near him. He stopped at the crosswalk to wait for some cars to pass. Once he’d decided to just stop by a McDonalds or something on the way home, he pocketed his phone and looked up to make sure the road was clear. What he saw right in front of him was a glowing Dunkin’ Donuts sign that was making the snow on the ground shift colors as the sign flickered. The shop was all but empty, an older woman just then entering the store. Shitty’s stomach growled again. Coffee and donuts it was. 

He waited patiently in line for the woman in front of him to make up her mind. 

“Yes, I promise you ma’am, it’ll warm you right up.” 

“Well if you promise I guess I can’t say no to it, now can I?” the woman handed over her credit card. 

The barista laughed and rang up the purchase. “I’ll have that right out for you.” The woman stepped out of the way, clearing Shitty’s path to the counter. 

He looked up from his phone and stepped forward. But as he did, his heart twisted like it had in the game against Stanford last season when he’d fucking turned the wrong way and missed the puck flying right by him (Jack had promised Shitty that his misstep hadn’t cost them the game; there were plenty of other mistakes. But still). 

The barista behind the counter was small. At least, that was the first thing Shitty really noticed. She (or, they, Shitty berated himself. He knew he needed to really break the habit of just assuming pronouns) was small enough that Shitty thought she could fit right into his side perfectly. Her long black hair was pulled back into a braid that was resting on her right shoulder; it was falling apart slightly, in the way that made Shitty feel bad for what had to have been a hard shift. While her smile seemed a bit forced, it was her bright eyes that Shitty felt pulled to. They looked into his and he nearly missed it when she said, “I’ll be right with you, Sir.” 

“Oh, yeah. No, take your time.” He waved his hand to try and show he was chill about it all. Totally chill. He was the definition of chill. 

The barista nodded at him before slipping back behind the counter to make the other woman’s drink. Shitty craned his neck; it looked like this girl was the only one working. Fuck, no wonder she looked stressed. 

Heart racing more than he would ever admit, Shitty opened snapchat on his phone and quickly snapped a pic of his feet. He typed out the caption, “you ever see a girl so pretty you think you’re going to throw up???,” added a crying emoji face and then sent it off to Bitty, Ransom, Holster, and then Jack, too. 

Jack complained a lot to the rest of the team about not understanding snapchat, but Shitty was the only one who knew that Jack understood it just fine. He just didn’t like being bothered all the time, and was never quite sure how or when to respond to people’s snaps. So more often than not, Shitty’s snaps to Jack would go ignored; but he knew that he was the person who Jack probably snapped the most.

Surprisingly, it was Jack that sent a response almost immediately. Shitty opened it to see a 10 second picture of Jack’s bedroom, some black and white movie playing on his laptop at the end of the bed. He’d captioned it with, “that sounds painful.” Somehow, Shitty managed to keep his laugh to only a small chuckle. 

“Okay, sorry about that.” the girl’s voice pulled his attention from his phone. “How can I help you?” 

“Yeah, can I just get a large black coffee and,” he glanced up at the menu. “And a plain bagel.” 

The barista hummed as she was entering his order. “You want that toasted?” She looked up and Shitty felt his heart do that gross twisty thing again. 

“Yeah, that’d be great.” All he could make out on her nametag was an L and then maybe an A right after. It looked like a bunch of scribbles. Without needing her to give him his total, Shitty just passed over a ten dollar bill. He dumped all the change she passed back straight into the tip jar. As he did he noticed it was decorated in a drawing of Han and Leia fighting what looked like snowmen. “That’s ‘swawsome.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“The picture, it’s nice.” he pointed at the drawing. 

Shitty couldn’t be certain, but it looked like the girl blushed. “Thanks. Here’s your coffee.” She handed it over the counter. “Your bagel won’t be too long.” 

Shitty smiled politely, “Take your time. I’m in no rush.” 

With that, he slunk back to sit on one of the stools for the high-top counter lining one side of the shop. He could see the barista moving behind the counter. He watched as she put his bagel into the toaster and then leaned against the counter to wait. Her arms were crossed and while she was staring at the ground, Shitty figured she’d already zoned out. 

Without thinking, he opened snapchat back up and raised his phone. Thankfully, the sound was off and she didn’t notice him taking a picture. Fuck, he’d just taken a picture of this girl. Winter break was really fucking with him this year. Shitty lowered his phone to his lap. It was a good picture and before he could really think about it, he added some exclamation marks, saved it, then sent it off to just Jack. He knew Jack would chirp him, but the other guys would give him hell and he wasn’t really in the mood for that after what he’d just escaped with his grandparents and dad. 

“Bagels up.” 

Shitty hopped off the chair and took the wrapped up bagel and packet of cream cheese from her hands. “Thanks. And hey,” the barista raises an eyebrow and waits for Shitty to finish his sentence. It looks like she’s challenging him, waiting for him to prove her wrong. Or maybe right, Shitty wasn’t too sure. “I hope you have a good day, or, night. A good rest of your shift.” 

She blinked, then smiled. And this one, Shitty’s stomach clenched, this one is real. He left the store before she can say anything, also before he could say anything else and probably embarrass himself any further. Shitty didn’t really believe in shame. Things happen and if it goes wrong well, then that’s just an experience to help you grow. Character growth or some bullshit like that. He turned up the collar of his jacket against the chill and headed in the direction of the right stop on the T he needed to get back home. 

It wasn’t until he was on the T that he checked his phone. He ignored the unopened snaps from Bitty and the other boys, choosing to only open Jack’s. It was a selfie, or maybe it’d be categorized as a picture since only the very top of Jack’s head was in the picture, most of the picture being the wall behind him. 

The caption read, “that’s creepy.” 

Shitty took a picture of the bagel wrapper on his lap and typed out, “ugh. i know” before sending it back. 

\- - - 

“Bro! Bro, just listen. Seriously, just listen!” 

“Nah. Not gonna happen, Holster. Sorry, not today.” 

“But you’re always on the first line of defense when we’re up against those assholes!” 

Shitty couldn’t help but groan as he pushed open the door to the murder Stop ‘N Shop. Ransom and Holster trailed in behind him. They were out getting last minute provisions before the big snowstorm that was supposed to hit in a couple of hours. Bitty had the Haus mostly stocked but thankfully they’d realized that Bitty’s definition of stocked didn’t include the proper amount of booze needed to survive the weekend. Shitty hadn’t expected Ransom and Holster to immediately try and convince him to prank the lacrosse house when they were out of Bitty’s earshot, but he wasn’t necessarily surprised. 

“Look, I’m here for making their lives hell because holy fuck did you hear about what they were having those freshmen girls do at their last party? But I don’t know how I feel about trying to plan a prank in the middle of a fucking snowstorm.” Shitty broke off from the other two who had gotten distracted by the candy aisle. He shook his head and continued to the back where the beer was. 

He rounded the corner and, “Fuck! Shit! I’m so sorry, bro!” Shitty had run straight into someone. Thankfully he hadn’t knocked them over, but he did have to reach out to stable them. “Fuck.” 

It was the barista from the Dunkin’ Donuts. Back at the beginning of winter break. The one he’d taken a snap of (which he still hadn’t deleted from his saved pictures if he was being honest). What was she doing here? He was pretty sure it was her, only her long hair had been chopped off. Shitty hadn’t thought it was possible, but the girl looked even better. She was wearing a black leather jacket over a faded gray shirt with a white paint splatter near the hem that came down to her thighs. She was fucking gorgeous. His stomach did that twist-and-flop thing again, and he felt a little nauseous. A tingling of self-loathing crept up the back of his neck; Shitty hated it whenever he accidentally slipped into acting like a stereotypical asshole bro. 

“I’m so sorry!” he rushed out, only to be met with the girl laughing a little and shrugging. 

“No worries, dude. No harm, no foul.” She lifted up her two cases of beer as if to prove they were alright. “It’s all good.” 

Shitty laughed. He brought a hand up to his hair and ruffled it nervously. “Aha, ‘swawsome. Would hate to be the reason for any spilled beer. That’s precious stuff right there.” 

The girl crinkled her nose, eyebrow raised. This time he was certain she was judging him. “It’s only PBR. Wouldn’t exactly call this ‘precious stuff’.”

“PBR is better than nothing, though” 

“Spoken like a true bro.” Shitty’s first instinct was to reach out and lightly punch the girl on her arm. She responded by moving one of the cases over to cradle in her arm and punched him right back. Quite harder than he’d punched her. Shitty was swooning. Maybe. Possibly. 

He stepped to the side of the aisle, giving her a clear path to the register. She smiled up at him and began to walk by him, but before she disappeared Shitty couldn’t help but say, “It’s not actually a bad thing. Being a bro.” 

The girl turned back to look at him. “Just depends on what kind of bro you are…” she paused and gave Shitty a look-over. Thankfully, he was too stoned to blush. Her gaze snapped back up to his face. “You seem like one of the good ones, though.” She then turned on her heels and left the aisle, leaving Shitty standing there staring at the empty space, completely zoning out in response to what had just happened. 

“Bro, what’s up? You want a slushie?” Ransom came up behind Shitty and clapped him on the back. Shitty shook his head as if realizing where he was (and finally seeing the slushie machine he’d apparently been staring at). “I think that’s fucking crazy, but do you, man.” 

Shitty shrugged and instead of trying to explain anything, walked straight to the slushie machine. He could hear Ransom and Holster arguing over just what to get while he was picking out a cup. He set it down under the blue raspberry nozzle. Shitty was pretty sure there was vodka back at the Haus he could mix with the slushie. Or maybe some tequila. He was pretty sure he could find something. 

With his hand on the handle, he glanced to his left towards the register. Where the girl was, making small talk with the guy behind the counter. Shitty took his hand off the nozzle handle and reached into his pocket for his phone. Again, it was before he really thought it all through that he realized he’d taken a snap of the girl. Fuck, Jack was going to chirp him to hell for this. Figuring he might as well commit, he saved the photo and added a caption before sending it to his fearless leader. Who, he figured, was probably still in the kitchen trying to awkwardly flirt with Bitty. Probably without realizing that’s what he was doing. Maybe they were both hopeless idiots. 

Shitty quickly filled up his slushie, slapped a lid on it and grabbed a straw before returning to the beer aisle to help Ransom and Holster. He heard the bell ring, signaling that the girl had left. It was then that he felt like he could breathe a bit easier. 

“Okay, what were you thinking for those assholes. Because if we’re going to do this, every single fucking thing needs to be planned out. We can’t afford to get caught in this storm.” Shitty took a sip of his slushie, already thinking about ways to sabotage the lacrosse team. 

Jack never responded to Shitty’s snap, but he did knock on Shitty’s door after they had all come back from pranking the lacrosse bros. 

(Bitty had found out what they were originally planning and forced them to dial back. It was Holster who had then suggested that they simply pile up more snow around all of their cars. 

“How do you know which cars are theirs? Do you actually know that?” Bitty was scandalized. 

“Bro, we always keep tabs on all things lacrosse bro.” Ransom nodded, solemnly. 

“Never know when we’re going to need this information.” Holster added on. 

“Oh my word.” Bitty wanted to scold them, but remembered being teased by a bunch of lacrosse bros in the library at the beginning of the semester. “Alright, just be safe, y’all. I’ll have hot coco waiting for you when you come back.”

“Atta boy, Bitty.” Shitty had pulled him into hug and lifted him into the air.) 

Jack knocked on Shitty’s door again. 

“Come in!” Shitty called from his bed. 

Jack walked in, leaving the door to the bathroom open behind him. He shook his head at Shitty, though Shitty didn’t really know why Jack was so surprised. 

“Just because we’re in the middle of a snowstorm doesn’t mean I can’t be naked in the freedom of my own room.” Shitty refused to be embarrassed, but pulled up the blanket higher to cover himself to make Jack a bit more comfortable. (Even though he knew that Jack’s chiding was more a form of chirping than actual annoyance.) 

“So, what’s up? Wanna talk about-” 

“Who was that girl you send me a picture of? At the Stop ‘N Shop?” 

Shitty blinked, then blushed. “Ugh,” how exactly should he word this? “You remember the girl from Dunkin’ Donuts? Over break?” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed and lips tightened a bit. Judgement. “It was the same girl, only she cut her hair. Looks amazing now.” He was rambling. “We talked for like, a hot fucking sec. Nothing too… nothing too deep.” 

Jack was quiet for a few moments. Finally, he said, “So you took a picture of her.” 

“I only sent it to you!” Shitty tried to defend himself. He wasn’t going to admit that he’d saved the picture, too. That would only lead to more frowning Jack. “Because like, what a fucking coincidence, right? The same girl from Boston goes here. Or at least, has some connection to Samwell. Nah, she probably goes here.” 

“Shitty…” Jack warned. 

Shitty brushed him off. “Don’t worry, Zimmerman. It’s not like I’m going to try and stalk her or anything. Fuck, who do you think I am. Of all people I know the damaging psychological effects on stalking victims. I remember there was this one woman in that shelter I volunteered in that-” Shitty cut himself off with a sigh. He ran a hand through his hair. He needed a shower, the flow was getting wicked greasy. 

“Seriously, there’s nothing to worry about. I just… think this girl is beautiful and there’s something about her that makes me think there’s something… there’s just something.” Shitty knew he should be more articulate than that, but it was nearing three in the morning and his buzz was fading fast and that thing called shame he hated to indulge in was beginning to creep in. 

Jack looked at him, figuring out if Shitty was being serious or not. Impatient, Shitty fell back onto his bed, bringing one of his spare pillows to his chest to cuddle. He knew there were countless things he needed to be thinking about (like his 15 page research paper on womanism due in a week), but all he wanted to do was lie in bed. 

He twisted his head back around to look at Jack; he wiggled his eyebrows. “Wanna come cuddle?” Jack groaned, but with a half-smile that felt like a victory. 

After Shitty had put on boxers and Jack had picked out a movie to play from Shitty’s laptop, he felt comfortable saying, “I really don’t mean to be a fucking creep. And I know that intention doesn’t negate the fact that someone could be hurt by my actions.” He burrowed deeper under the covers. Jack sat up more to give his arm the mobility to play with Shitty’s hair. 

Shitty groaned. “You are a godsend, Zimmerman. With that ass and these hands, you’re going to make someone a very fulfilled partner one day.” Shitty could feel Jack’s body move as he laughed slightly. “Of course, once you’re ready for that. There’s no rush, man. Go your own pace.” 

“I know. And you stop taking pictures of strangers.” Jack quipped. 

“Yeah, yeah. Everyone’s fave is problematic. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you.” Shitty joked dejectedly before turning his attention to the opening scene of Finding Nemo. 

\- - - 

Shitty was walking across Lake Quad to the library after breakfast in the Commons. His mind was buzzing. His body was also buzzing from having eaten an entire brownie before breakfast. He couldn’t be sober to deal with the fact that his poly sci advisor had just sent him an email that was complete and utter bullshit. He was fuming, but being stoned certainly helped ease the tension in his muscles. The email was something about how his Women in Politics professor had gone to him to ask for help with getting Shitty to understand being respectful to other people’s opinions in the classroom. Which was fucking shit because Shitty was the epitome of respectful. It was the other assholes in the class that weren’t respectful with their opinions on reproductive rights and he was disgusted at the fact that the professor had gone over his head and talked to his advisor instead of him and he really should’ve gotten another brownie because he didn’t think just one was going to be strong enou- 

“Shitty! Wait up, Shitty! Oh, excuse me. Sorry! Shitty!” 

Shitty turned around to see Bitty weaving his way through the morning rush of students, trying to catch up with him. Shitty decided to meet him halfway and backtracked to plop himself down on one of the benches set up around the quad. Bitty finally reached the bench, a bit out of breath but smile still wide and bright. Despite himself, Shitty felt his bad mood lift a bit just looking at the kid. 

“Wassup, Bitts?” 

“I just wanted to talk to you about how-” 

Shitty should have felt bad about immediately tuning his favorite frog out, but there, leaning up against the Well, was the girl. The girl from Dunkin’ Donuts and the murder Stop ‘N Shop and now the middle of Lake Quad. 

He looked up at Bitty and nodded to give the illusion that he was still listening. Bitty was still rambling and would probably be for a while. Shitty ignored the nagging thought that he was doing something stupid and interrupted Bitty. 

“Hey, can I take a picture of you?” 

Bitty blinked. Thankfully, he was used to Shitty’s oddness. “Ugh, sure. Do you want me to like,” he glanced around him. “Scoot back or something?” 

Shitty lifted his phone with snapchat up. “Move a little to your right.” He positioned Bitty closer to the girl who was perfectly visible in the background. “Okay, now, say Fuck Lacrosse!” he yelled the last bit and snapped the picture quickly, before anyone could walk across in the background and block his view of the girl. 

Bitty laughed and rolled his eyes. “Y’all are too much with this lacrosse hating business.” 

“How dare you, Eric Bittle!” Shitty leapt up onto the bench. “The lacrosse team is comprised of homophobic assholes who not only are homophobic shits but are also incredibly misog-”

“Okay, okay, okay. I get it!” Poor Bitty was doing his best to get Shitty down. But Shitty realized that this vantage point gave him a better look at the girl. Who was now, Shitty realized with a skipped heartbeat, looking straight at them. Or at least, in their general direction. His general direction. Him. She was probably looking at him. 

“Please get down, Shitty. It’s too early for this sort of nonsense.” 

“Alright, alright.” Shitty jumped down from the bench. “I will only complain about fucking terrible collective groups of athletes when in appropriate contexts.” He winked at Bitty, and pulled him in for a side-hug. “Meaning, when you’re not around.” 

Shitty waited until he was in the Library to send the snap to Jack. He’d drawn a red circle around the girl in the background. She was a little blurry, but clear enough that he figured Jack would figure out who she was. Shitty figured Jack would have another serious sit down conversation with him about practicing what he preached, but Shitty was too baked to really care. He did feel guilty about the snap, and as he looked at it right before sending it, Shitty promised himself that this was the last time. 

The next time he saw her, he would actually talk to her. He’d try his best to be charming and he’d sweep her off her feet and he’d figure out what she thought about the prequel Star Wars movies and her thoughts on intersectional feminism and maybe even challenge her to a game of beer pong. Maybe even invite her to a hockey game. 

He set the snap for seven seconds and sent it to Jack without saving. Progress.

\- - - 

A week later Shitty had gotten roped into helping March and April put up signs advertising their rescheduled game. Normally he wouldn’t mind helping out the volleyball girls, especially since he owed them for helping with the last kegster at the Haus. But if Shitty was being honest, he was running into the ground. He was stressed and exhausted and was pretty sure that the flow was falling out fast if the disturbing amount of hair at the bottom of his shower drain was anything to go by. He loved being someone that people could trust and that could help. But the semester was taking a fucking toll. And he was tired. 

After stapling the last poster up, Shitty breathed a sigh of relief. Now all he had to do was get the hell out of Kotter and make his way back to the Haus. There he’d probably smoke a few bowls and then pass the fuck out watching Bob Ross, or maybe the Cosmos. Unless he could convince Jack to narrate some WWII show; nothing quite beat falling asleep listening to Jack’s voice correcting the narrator about what really happened during some battle or another.

That’s what he was thinking about when he rounded a corner and tripped over something and fell flat on his face in the middle of what he thought was an abandoned hallway. 

“Fuck.” he groaned into the floor. He lay there for a moment, trying to come to his senses before getting up. Then, he felt a hand on his arm, another on his shoulder. 

“Shit, fuck. Dude, are you okay?” 

Shitty began to sit up. He was pretty sure he recognized that voice; he twisted and sure enough. “I gotta say, I’ve had some fucked up falls, but most of them have happened on ice. I guess I never realized just how much the padding helps.” he attempted a joke but the girl’s face was drawn. 

She looked like she’d been crying. Fuck, he’d tripped right over her while she was crying. What a way to help a breakdown. 

“Are you okay?” Her voice was soft, unlike the other times he’d heard it. She sounded as exhausted and done with the world as he felt. He brushed off her help and sat up. The girl leaned back against the wall, pulling her legs underneath her. Shitty mirrored her stance, sitting in the middle of the hallway so he was facing her. 

“I’m fine, bro. No worries. Are,” he took a breath. “Are you okay?” 

The girl looked taken aback by the question, as if no one had ever asked her that. Her eyes widened and, “Fuck. Fuck, shhhhhh. You’re fine.” Shitty scooted forward and arranged himself so he was sitting next to her. “Is this okay?” he asked quietly as she started to cry. 

The girl nodded, her hands over her face. Her whole body was shaking and Shitty felt his chest tighten. When she leaned into him, he wrapped an arm around her and rubbed his hand down her back. He debating whether or not it was worth trying to give her some motivational speech, or it would be better to just sit there in silence. Putting himself in her position, Shitty decided that if he’d been caught in the middle of a breakdown by some random person, he’d prefer it if they just sat in silence. 

After what felt like ten minutes but was probably only three, the girl had stopped crying. Shitty pulled his arm back from around her and sat with his hands in his lap. He was waiting for her to say something, but it didn’t seem like she was going to. The girl was now leaning with her head against the wall, her eyes closed. 

“Hey.” 

She opened her eyes and looked at him. 

Shitty continued, “I was going to grab some coffee. Would you like me to bring you some?” 

Her eyes widened and before she could start to cry again, Shitty said, “No strings attached. You just… you look like you could use it.” 

“Black. Please.” She wiped her nose on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Glancing at it, Shitty noticed that it was a generic Samwell Athletics sweatshirt. He wondered what team she was affiliated with (or, what team her partner was on. But he didn’t really want to indulge in that line of thinking if he was being honest with himself). 

“I’ll meet you back here in,” he glanced at his phone. The coffee shop shouldn’t be that crowded this late at night, but weirder things had happened. “Probably like 15 minutes. Depending on the line.” 

The girl gave him a weak smile. “I’ll probably be in there.” She nodded at the door to their left. He glanced at it, noting that it was a studio. So she was an art major. That explained the paint that always seemed to be on her clothes and hands. 

Sure enough, when he came back exactly fifteen minutes later with two large black coffees, she was standing in front of an easel. He set the coffee down on the small table near the door, next to a massive array of paints. She turned to look at him, and he realized she had a slice of pie in her hand, fork in her mouth. Blushing, (or at least, it looked like blushing from where he was standing), she swallowed and said, “Thank you.” 

Shitty shrugged. He didn’t know what to say, so settled with, “Everyone needs to cry sometimes. And realize that people are here to help. No one is alone no matter what it fucking feels like.” 

He’d never admit it, but the memory of her smile did more to warm him up on the walk back to the Haus than his own cup of coffee. 

\- - - 

Bitty was sitting next to Jack in the locker room about two hours before game time, subtly chirping him for his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when Shitty burst through the door, his face pale. “She’s here.”

Jack dropped his sandwich down on his hockey bag. Bitty looked from Shitty to Jack, confused. They seemed to be communicating solely through raising and lowering their eyebrows. 

“Um, who is she?” Bitty asked. The few other people in the locker room had tuned them out, all used to Shitty’s antics by now. 

“I’m going to prove it!” Shitty started to back out of the locker room but Jack abruptly stood up. 

“No, Shitty. Don’t. We talked about this.” 

“But I can’t exactly talk to her right now, can I?” Shitty gestured to his pants and pads, not even phased that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. 

“Talk to her.” Jack warned. Shitty left the locker room without responding. 

Seeming defeated, Jack sat back down next to Bitty. 

“Umm……” Bitty fiddled with his phone before saying, “What was that? I mean, if you can’t tell me that’s totally fine. I wouldn’t want you to betray Shitty’s trust or anything. Because goodness, I know how important trust is!” he laughed a little nervously. 

Jack didn’t answer. He was staring at his phone that he’d grabbed from the bag at his feet. The screen lit up and Jack swore, taking Bitty by surprise. 

Curious, Bitty leaned over so he could see the screen. Shitty had sent Jack a snapchat and when Jack opened it there was a video in slow motion of Shitty zooming in on some girl. 

“Oh my word!” Bitty and Jack both jerked back at the same time. Jack’s face was doing that thing it had done at the very beginning of the season and Bitty wanted to throw up. From both Jack’s face but also with wondering, “Why is Shitty taking a creeper snap video of Larissa?” 

Jack had puffed himself up, probably to lecture Bitty about personal space, but then he stopped. His mouth dropped in surprise. “Larissa?” 

“Um, yeah.” Bitty pointed to Jack’s phone that had gone black. “I’m almost positive that’s my friend Larissa.” 

“Is she an art person?” Jack asked.

“She’s majoring in art, yes. But I still don’t understand why Shitty sent you a creeper video of her. Shouldn’t that go against like, a lot of things he stands for?” 

Jack shook his head. Thankfully, Bitty could tell that it was more out of frustration with Shitty than him. “This is going to sound weird but,” Jack paused to collect his thoughts. “I guess you could say Shitty has a crush? Maybe an infatuation, I don’t know, on this girl. He’s run into her a few times and each time he talks about this connection they have.” 

Bitty’s mouth dropped. There was no way this was happening. 

Jack continued, “So he accidentally took a snap of her and sent it to me, and then he kept doing it. He really does feel bad about it; he knows that he shouldn’t because it really is creepy. But he’s a little… scared, I think, to talk to her.” 

That’s when Bitty started laughing. Full on cackling; he was laughing harder than he’d ever done around Jack. Jack, justifiably, seemed a bit taken aback. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“It’s just, oh my word.” Bitty wiped at his eyes. “Larissa likes Shitty too. Or, as much as she’ll admit. She’s pretty tight-lip about personal things.” 

“No.” Jack couldn’t believe it. 

“I swear on my great-grandma’s apple crumble recipe.” Bitty raised his right hand as if to swear an oath. “Larissa likes Shitty. Or is at least really fascinated by him.” 

“And you guys are close?” 

Bitty shrugged. “I guess so. She’s probably the only person outside of the team that I’m really close with. She-” his face paled a bit. “I mean,” he looked like he was struggling to decide whether or not he should tell Jack something. 

“She what?” 

Bitty glanced around the room. More of their teammates were filtering in and beginning to start getting all of their things together. Ransom and Holster had seemed to engaged Johnson in some debate, so Bitty felt comfortable leaning into Jack and quickly saying, “Okay so I invited Larissa to a game because she’s been wanting to come for a while but she hasn’t really been able to come? See,” he leaned in even closer. “She’s the team manager for the lacrosse team.” 

Jack immediately pulled away from Bitty. He opened his mouth to say something but Bitty cut him off. 

“Look, it’s really not a big deal! She absolutely hates all of them and she complains about it constantly! It’s just a job. She said it was that or the cafeteria. I remember we got coffee once at the beginning of last semester and she said she wished that she’d gotten to be our manager but it was already filled.” he sighed wistfully, imagining what could have been. “So! she’s never really felt comfortable approaching Shitty or coming to support us because she doesn’t want people to hate her.” He blinked up at Jack. “Doesn’t that just… break your heart?” 

Jack nodded in agreement. “It’s sad.” He looked at the door to the locker room. “We should do something about it.” 

“What? We should? I mean, yeah! Of course!” Bitty clapped his hands together. 

Jack picked his fallen sandwich up and set it on the bench. He pulled his stick tape from his bag and twisted around, looking for his stick. He seemed to have moved on completely from what they’d just been discussing. 

“Um, Jack?” Bitty asked. “Just… just what do you want to do about it?” 

“Leave it to me. Now come on, you gotta start getting focused. Go and do your,” he pointed in the direction of where Bitty’s phone and headphones were lying on the bench. “Pre-game dance thing.” 

Bitty blushed furiously. 

\- - - 

Sometimes Shitty never felt more in his element than when throwing a Kegster. He thrived off of the energy; he loved the drinking and people and inevitable stories and chirping. To him, this was such an important part of college. And he was ready for it to be a good night. Except something was in the air to potentially bring it all down to ruin. 

He’d heard it from Johnson that the lacrosse team’s manager was there, and he was trying to keep his head on straight. Of course the manager was nowhere near as bad as being on the team itself, but it was still a bit too close for Shitty to be comfortable. So naturally, he made his way around to the rest of the team to warm them about just who was in their midst. Most just shrugged it off, not really caring. Thankfully Ransom and Holster demonstrated the proper response and promised Shitty that they’d keep an eye out for any trouble. 

From across the room Shitty spotted Jack, standing on the bottom of the stairs leaning against the wall across the kitchen. He wormed his way through the flow of people, stopping occasionally to say hi or make some joke at a friend’s expense. Eventually, he slid up to Jack and rested his head on Jack’s shoulder. 

“There’s a traitor in our Haus.” Jack didn’t say anything, which didn’t really surprise Shitty, so he continued. “Apparently the manager for the lacrosse team is here.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Jack Zimmerman!” Shitty stood up and threw his arms out, nearly hitting a girl from the volleyball team. “Sorry!” He called to her back before turning back to Jack. “What the fuck do you mean you know?”

Jack shrugged. He lifted his cup to his mouth and took a sip. “I mean I know.” he said after swallowing his drink. 

Shitty was in shock. Realizing that Jack was a hopeless cause, Shitty went into the kitchen to fill up his cup. Oddly, when he told Bitty, the poor boy had spilled his own drink all over the floor. 

“Oh goodness. Really?” he said while wiping up the beer with a wad of paper towels. “Well, isn’t that just the darndest thing.” 

“Okay, something’s going on.” Shitty tilted his drink at Bitty accusingly. “I don’t know what it is, and quite fucking frankly, I’m not drunk enough to try and figure it out. So!” he waited for Bitty to stand back up to clap him hard on the shoulder. “Here’s to a good Kegster!” Shitty raised his cup in mock toast to Bitty and then left the kitchen. 

Shitty spent the next half hour or so bouncing around the party until he finally decided that he wanted to go up and smoke a little. He paused in his room to pack a small bowl, then worked his way out the window out onto the Reading Room. 

Once he’d finished the whole thing, he stayed out on the roof. Sometimes he liked to just sit in the cold and listen to the sounds of the party. It was a good one, but he made a mental note to remind himself to lock his bedroom door so no one puked in it this time. 

A noise behind him interrupted Shitty’s musings on the marvel cinematic universe and their use of queerbaiting; someone had come into Jack’s room. His chair was out of sight from the window, so whoever was in Jack’s room probably didn’t know he was out there. He heard Bitty’s voice, so he ignored his gut instinct to go and make sure that no one was messing with Jack’s stuff. He would have tuned the voices out completely when he heard a girl’s voice. The girl’s voice. Fuck. 

Shitty scrambled to sit up. Slowly, he peeked into the window. The girl was leaning against Jack’s desk. God, her profile was incredible. Bitty was sitting on the bed, using his arms to help make his point. Whatever that was. 

“I just don’t know about this.” The girl looked like she was biting her thumbnail. “I should probably just go home.” 

“No! Larissa, please. Trust me. Jack and I worked this all out. We’ll have your back, trust me.” 

Jack? Shitty couldn’t believe it. Jack knew that his snapchat girl was here and hadn’t told him? And… Bitty somehow knew her? 

“Fuck this.” Shitty whispered to himself. He pulled out his phone, ignoring that his battery was below five percent, and tilted himself so he could take a snap of Bitty and the girl (Larissa he told himself) talking without the two seeing him. 

He added a filter to the picture so it was easier to distinguish who was in the picture, and set it for ten full seconds. After a moment's thought, he captioned the snap simply, “W T F” and sent it off to both Jack and Bitty. 

From inside he heard Bitty’s voice go, “Oh! Um… hey. Larissa, why don’t you go downstairs. I’ll meet you there in a second. I just need to take care of something right quick.” 

Larissa sighed. “Yeah, okay. I’m gonna go grab a drink. That tub juice looked wicked.” 

Bitty laughed. “Just pace yourself, trust me.” 

Larissa saluted him then walked out of the room. 

“Shitty?” Bitty called out once she was out of earshot. 

“Just come on out, Bits!” 

Bitty stuck his head out the window. “Do you wanna go meet her?” 

“Did Jack tell you everything?” 

Bitty nodded. “Go on downstairs. I think Ransom and Holster are trying to work up a doubles tournament for beer pong.” 

Shitty pushed aside all of the gross feelings that had started bubbling once he realized the gir- Larissa. Once he realized Larissa was there. “Alright you glorious matchmaking little fucker. I’ll go play. And you don’t look like you’re drunk enough.” He passed his own cup to Bitty. “Come on, finish that and we’ll go downstairs. Only if you want to, I’m not gonna fuckin’ force you to drink or anything.” 

“No worries!” Bitty chugged the rest of Shitty’s drink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “If I don’t feel like drinking I know y’all’d respect that.” He burped then immediately slammed a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with shock. “Oh my goodness!” Shitty was laughing all the way downstairs where Ransom and Holster seemed to be waiting. 

“Shitty! Finally!” 

“Okay, Bro. We have a whole bracket set up. But Johnson said he couldn’t be your partner since he needed you to be left vulnerable in order for the romantic plot to continue in its natural course.” 

“The fuck?” 

Holster shrugged. “I don’t know, bro. But you gotta find a partner. We’re waiting on you.” 

“I’ll play.” A voice came from just behind Shitty’s shoulder. Larissa was standing next to Jack, her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “If you don’t mind?” she gave Shitty an out, but Shitty didn’t want to take it. 

“Nah, bro.” she stepped forward and he bumped his elbow into her arm. “You ready to take on these losers?” 

She elbowed him right back and smirked up at him. Shitty’s stomach flipped and heart did that skipping thing and jesus fucking christ all of this was too much. He was too young to die, but if this was his cause of death then so be it. “Let’s fucking crush them.” 

If Shitty had been ready to die when Larissa first stepped up, he was just about to self-implode with adoration when the pair worked their way through the tournament to the championships where they beat Ransom and Holster. Larissa had won it for them and then went and burped in Holster’s face. Fuck, Shitty really wasn’t sure where he stood on believing in love and all that, but being drunk and stoned and happier than he’d been in a long while, Shitty was comfortable saying he could possibly, maybe be in love with-

“Lardo!” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You need a nickname!” Shitty threw his arm around Lardo. He pulled her along with him back down the hallway and into the kitchen where it was a little easier to breathe. “You’re Lardo now. If that’s cool with you. I know you’re not technically on the team or anything but that display of pure athleticism and instinctive bro-ness proves that you deserve a true hockey nickname so Lardo it is!” 

Lardo was looking up at him like she couldn’t quite figure him out. She bit her lip then said, “I don’t know if you really want to give me a hockey nickname.”

“And why the fuck wouldn’t I want to?” 

She shrugged, looking at the ground. “Because I’m the manager for the lacrosse team.” 

“No fucking way.” Shitty couldn’t believe it. This girl that fate had put in front of him time after time was…. no. No way. 

“I don’t believe you.” He crossed his arms. “Prove it.” 

Lardo looked back up at him and mirrored his stance. “Go ask Bitty or Jack. I’ve been friends with Bitty since the beginning of the year. I’ve always had a crush on you but I knew it was hopeless because you hate everything associated with those assholes. And trust me, they are fucking assholes. Downright terrible fucking people who suck at playing lacrosse. But a job is a job and I hate lacrosse but it was better than having to work in the cafeteria and god, Shitty! Would you please just stop staring at me like that? It’s giving me the fucking creeps.” 

Shitty took a step back. His arms fell to his side. “Oh! Ugh, sorry.” Instead of saying anything else, he crossed the kitchen to open the fridge; he pulled out two beers and tossed one to Lardo. She caught it and opened it. She downed half in one pull before Shitty could even open his own. 

“Sorry, I’m just nervous.” Lardo shrugged. 

“I don’t know why you’re fucking nervous.” Shitty gestured in the direction of the living room where the tournament had taken place. “I mean, you just fucking crushed it out there. That was so fucking ‘swawsome. You’re gonna be a Haus legend!”

Larissa choked on her beer. “Even though I’m associated with the lacr-”

“Egh. Nope. No more of that.” Shitty held up his hand. “No more mention of the team of vile creatures that will are not worthy of a name.” He took a deep drink then shrugged. “I mean, I think you’ve proven yourself to be better than them already. Especially if Bitty likes you. And Jack. That’s like, passing the fucking test right there.” 

Lardo looked relieved. “Thanks, Shitty. That means a lot.” 

“Now, can we go back for a second?” Shitty leaned against the fridge, one hand playing with his mustache. “You said something about a crush on me?”

“And I’ve heard something about super creepy snaps that weren’t meant to be creepy but from anyone else I would be really freak-”

“Okay! Fair enough.” Shitty rushed to cut her off which just made Lardo laugh. “Seriously, you know what? Let’s never talk about that.” Lardo laughed even harder. 

He quickly crossed the room and pulled Lardo in for a headlock. She kept laughing as she pulled away from him and twisted him around until they were basically standing in the middle of the kitchen with their arms around each other. If it had been anyone but Lardo, Shitty would have pulled away. Well, maybe. He could do this with some of the team, but none of them helped him fill a room with weird sexual tension.

Shitty looked down at Lardo who was staring back up at him, a smirk on her lips and an eyebrow raised. 

What he wanted to say was: “Wanna make out like I’ve been fantasizing about since I first saw you?” 

But what he actually said was: “Wanna go upstairs and smoke some and watch cartoons?” 

Lardo squeezed him a bit tighter. “Fuck yeah, bro. That sounds ‘swawsome.” Then she took him by surprise by reaching up to wrap a hand around his head. She pulled him down for a quick kiss. Enough to sate the feeling in his stomach, but not enough to dampen the fire. If anything, it added fuel to the flame. She seemed to fit perfectly in his arms and Shitty tried his best to not think about fate and how things always work out the way they should. He tried his best to forget those nights in high school where he couldn’t help but stare up at his ceiling and wonder how anyone would ever be able to handle him and all of his complexities. 

“Hey,” Lardo pulled Shitty’s attention back to her. “I’ll smoke you out if we can watch something to get you talking about gender and sexuality. I’ve been listening to Bitty talk about you for months, so I have to admit I’m curious to see if our opinions line up.” 

“Sweet fucking christ.” Shitty swore. “Fuck yeah!” he dropped his arms from around Lardo. She stood in the middle of the kitchen, smiling, as he opened the fridge back up and pulled out two water bottles. He nodded at the fridge. “Grab some snacks, then let’s fucking do this. I don’t think you’re quite ready for what’s about to go down.” 

“And I don’t think you understand what insights I’m about to drop on you. Your next paper will thank you.” Lardo’s head was in a cabinet as she searched through the snacks for something she wanted. Shitty wasn’t positive, but he was pretty sure she was smiling, just by the tone of her voice. 

Fuck, he really owed Jack and Bitty for this. Big time. 

\- - - 

Shitty didn’t know why Coach Hall was keeping them longer in practice, but the smiles that Bitty kept sending his way were making him uncomfortable. Even Jack was looking at him with a weird, knowing look on his face. Shitty hated not knowing what was going on. Besides, it was a Friday and his classes had already been canceled. He had plans to spend the afternoon with Lardo (who only had classes in the morning) but those couldn’t happen until Coach let them go. 

“Alright team. I’m sorry to say that we’ve had to let Benjamin go. I know, I know; you’re all heartbroken over losing the manager that none of you seemed to talk to. Anyways, we got a replacement, thankfully. She’s already been a manager so she understands how the system runs. Everyone, please welcome Larissa Duan and please, be more respectful to her than you were to that other guy.” Coach Hall started clapping, which the rest of the team joined in with more energy than Coach Hall was expecting. 

Lardo walked in from wherever she’d been hiding (Shitty didn’t understand why he hadn’t seen her, or why she hadn’t told him this was happening. Bitty and Jack’s looks made a lot more sense now).

“Miss Duan, the team. Team, Miss Duan.”

“It’s Lardo!”

“What was that, Knight?”

Shitty smirked at his girlfriend before turning his smile to his head coach. “Lardo is her hockey nickname, sir. She’s already one of us.”

From the back of the huddle, Ransom and Holster started a quiet chant of, “One of us! One of us! One of us! One of us!” 

They managed to get almost the whole team involved when Coach Hall yelled at them all to shut it. “Okay, fine. One of you. Nice to see you’re getting along. Now get out of here. You have classes to get to.” 

Lardo met Shitty’s eye and she nodded at him to follow his teammates. He winked at her before scrambling to hop on Jack’s back, berating him for keeping Lardo’s transfer a surprise. 

Shitty took his time showering and changing so by the time he was done, he was one of the last ones to leave the locker room. He was checking his phone as he walked out, about to text Lardo to see where she was when he noticed her standing at the end of the hallway, talking to Bitty and Jack. Quickly, he opened up snapchat and took a quick snap. Laughing to himself, he added a caption and then sent it. 

Once his phone was back in his pocket, he whistled down the hall. The three all turned to look at him. “I’m impressed you managed to keep this a secret! You’re some impressive fuckers, I’ll give you that!” He came up to where they were standing and threw an arm around Jack’s shoulder. “I mean, really, Jack! We share a bathroom! That is intimacy! I can’t believe you would keep this from me.”

“Yeah, intimacy.” Jack rolled his eyes. “And yet your girlfriend’s the one who has-”

“So!” Bitty cut Jack off, his face a little red. Shitty would have been offended that Bitty cut Jack off from saying some comment about his and Lardo’s sex life, but he really didn’t actually care that much. If anything he was bummed that he didn’t get to hear Jack talk about sex since he so rarely let himself make sex jokes or anything. “I know you guys have your plan for today,” Bitty pointed at Shitty and Lardo. “But I have all the fixings for a new recipe I wanted to try if you wouldn’t mind leaving until after lunch?” 

Lardo raised an eyebrow in question to Shitty. Shitty shrugged. Lardo answered, “That sounds great, Bits. Thanks.” 

“Great! Okay, so we better get going to breakfast before-” 

Shitty and Lardo fell behind Jack and Bitty, letting the two of them start their own conversation. Shitty reached down to give Lardo’s hand a quick squeeze. “So how long have you known?”

“Only about a week. I figured it was coming but I didn’t want to jinx anything.” He could tell she was smirking as she stared ahead. “So now you can stop hanging the whole lacrosse thing over my head. I’m finally ‘worthy’ of my nickname sinc-” 

“Awww come on, Lardo! It was all in jest. Besides, I needed something to chirp you for since you have the snapchat stuff to hang over my head.” 

At that, Lardo grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers together. It’d been a month but Shitty’s stomach still did that flip flop thing; he didn’t know if he was ever going to get used to this. Gross. (He loved it) She smiled up at him and he grinned back down at her. 

“Shitty?!” The pair looked away from each other to where Jack and Bitty were waiting just outside of Faber. Jack was holding his phone and looking a little scandalized. “Did you really send me a snap of us talking with Lardo circled and the caption, ‘damn she’s hot’?”

Shitty laughed and took the light-handed punches that Lardo had begun to throw into his arms and side. “Come on,” he started to block Lardo’s hands without breaking a stride. “She’s finally rid herself of the assholes from hell, I just thought it’d be appropriate to give her some asshole back in her life. What if she goes into withdrawal?” 

“Oh, fuck you, Shitty!” But Lardo was laughing. When Shitty wasn’t looking, she stuck out her foot to trip him up. He didn’t fall, but he stumbled and had to lean on her to stabilize himself. 

“Hey,” he lowered his voice so that Jack and Bitty wouldn’t hear. “I’m sorry that I objectified you. No, seriously!” he could tell Lardo was rolling her eyes and wanted to catch back up with Jack and Bitty, but Shitty grabbed her hands to try and keep her still. Once she stopped walking, he dropped their hands. “I know I apologize a lot for all of that, but I am seriously sorry. I should have known better and it still eats away at me that I did all that and I won’t do it again. Seriously, that snap right there was the last time because I don’t want to be that asshole gross boyfr-” 

Lardo cut him off with a quick kiss and then a punch to the arm. “I know, Shitty. And like I’ve said every time you’ve apologized: I genuinely don’t mind. I think it’s funny and oddly flattering.” They started walking again and had to speed up their pace to catch up with the other two. “Besides,” she said offhandedly, “You should feel lucky that it was me you decided to become obsessed with. Not everyone would have been such a chill bro about it all.” 

Shitty grinned. “Trust me, Lardo. I know. I fucking lucked out. Now, you wanna race to the commons? Winner gets to pick the music on the drive today.” 

“You’re fucking on, and you’re going down.”


End file.
